Relationships 101 - A Girl's Perspective....

Feel like ditching all the wedding plans and getting hitched already now.. 

Forget about the fancy wedding and you only get married “once” thing blah blah blah..

I am so over that already .. and thinking about saving up for it and all the expenses is driving me insane. 

To me being together, happy, loving each other and building a stronger bond each day is whats more important to me. 

Lately i feel as though i really just want to settle down lately .. 

We have been going at this relationship for almost 10 years now - Despite all the hurt and drama and seperating for a while, we have always remained close, we always remained supportive of each other and always found our back to each other. And I can’t wait to spend many many more years together! 

Its like i just want my baby with me all the time, even if we have little arguments all time which is mostly because i always pick fights with him.

When i am with him cause with him i feel protected, i know he would never like to see me sad or cry and know that he wont let anyone ever hurt me emotionally ( I know he wont let anyone hurt me physically too, but thats a different story). I know he would just want to keep me happy all the time & make me stronger and think positive about life. 

Maybe i am just rushing things because Its been 8 months already since the last time i have spoke or seen the ex. 

Though i have forgiven him and to me still consider him as a friend. There are times when i think of him and look back and realise how much i actually still do hate him, only because of all the things he has put me through i was still the one who made the effort to be friends, i was the one who reached out to him and he acting all cool like nothing happend or it was easy to forget.

But the damage that he caused is something i can never ever forget. For causing the distance between me and my family, for the endless nights where he would just keep abusing me on the phone  - for calling me a liar, a slut, a person not worth loving constantly, for the times the would yell at the me and make me guilty all the time, for the nights i would be crying on the phone to him and slapping myself or punching my head in while he continued to fight with me over the line, for the nights when i felt so alone and heart broken and i would drink like crazy and addicted to medication - so i could get drowsy and fall asleep. For the times when i needed him, just a simple call or text would of made a difference but he just ignored me.

I hate him for the last time he came and saw me and he told me he would come back after work to seee me - Till this day he has never returned =( 

See all these memories i can never forget and still come to haunt me ever now and then. I can say that i am in a happier stage now and i am content with my life & looking for a better future, 

But at times i cant help but hurt inside, sharp stabbing pains in the heart whenever i remember him and the shit we went through - maybe i have caused my heart to much pain in the past i dont know.

and even though we are now far apart and dont communicate i feel as though he is still hurting me, he is still the reason why i cry at night or randomly at work or emotional talk with friends,  the reason why my heart is sad, the reason i am weak.

and i just want it to go all away  = (  because i am tiered already of feeling this way. 

Do you think that you can ever forget your first love? or a person that you shared so much with.

Yes we may not think about them all the time.. and the relationship is over and forgotten but is it really ever forgotten?

I may not be inlove with my ex anymore, but i think i will always care for him because no matter how crazy the relationship was the love was there, the time and effort was there.

There was many 1st for out relationship. Like going to the places we both never been to before, trying things that we both never done before.

So when ever come across something like a restaurant, a park or even a particular drink or food dish. He would always pop in my mind and recall the first time.

Thanks for the memories ex lover. I wonder if you ever remember me to to?